Happy New Year and Welcome to 2026!!
Reaching the new year officially means I’m at the year and a half mark since I first left the US to study in Vienna.
It’s been a wild year and a half and I’ve started feeling something in the last few months that I’d like to capture in writing. So if you’ve got about 8-10 minutes, I’d be honored to tell you a little bit about this funny feeling… Enjoy! 🙂
Due to the excessive amount of new stimuli (places, people and experiences) I feel I have changed quite a bit, and not to exaggerate, but I feel like….
a new version of me
It’s not like I was reborn. Many old habits remain. And there are many ways in which I would still like to change. But if Highschool Josh met current day Josh, I think he would be very confused and surprised by the changes that have occurred. And it’s not necessarily overt changes either, the ways in which I’ve changed appear simply and subtly.
I first became aware of some subtle changes when I was visiting Vienna’s Leopold Museum and checking out their collection of Egon Schiele’s art, a Viennese painter, with a Hungarian friend of mine, who I met while working at a Japanese restaurant.
That sentence ALONE would be enough to have Highschool Josh asking questions! I wish I could tell him about all this, but I don’t think he’d believe any of it. Just the idea of me living in Vienna would knock his socks off. Not to mention studying forest economics in German in Vienna… He would be speechless!
Anyways…
While looking at a self portrait of Schiele, a young woman behind me snapped a photo of the piece and I happened to be in the shot.
She politely tapped my shoulder and asked to share the photo with me. While sharing through Airdrop, I noticed she had an unfamiliar Asian script as the default settings on her phone.
I thanked the young lady, and as my friend and I moved along, I asked her if the text was Korean or Japanese.
I thought it was Korean, and she cracked a joke about me being an ignorant American. Fair. It pains me to this day that I do not remember how the conversation flowed from there, or her exact words, but if you’ll forgive my paraphrasing, she said something like:
“I guess you’re not the same American anymore”
Again, since neither her nor I can remember the conversation better, I am paraphrasing, but this is how my mind saved the conversation. The way her words mixed with my thoughts in that introspective setting really scratched an itch in my brain.
What was a seemingly simple moment shined a light on all the little things I had learned and integrated into my life.
So many things I do now would be completely unthinkable for young Josh. Like recognizing Korean characters and differentiating them from Japanese ones! I know this is a low bar… but young Josh could never!!
This got me wondering… What other subtle changes have occurred without me noticing… So… I took some time and I noticed…
…an increasing appreciation for architecture and an expanding knowledge of local Austrian art & history.
…the ability to speak/understand German with an Austrian dialect and recognize (only some) regional dialects.
…a growing collection of teas with the accompanying knowledge on how to prepare them (perks of working at a Japanese restaurant!).
…the friends with whom I can share my collection and passion for these leaves.
…a growing collection of Moomin memorabilia in my home (go check out the Moomins… RIGHT NOW!!!).
…the experience with Finnish culture to learn and care about the Moomins in general (Thanks Jerika <3).
…a style of clothing that speaks to my ethics, fits my color palette and that I enjoy to wear while feeling I looking good in them.
…the increasing knowledge of textiles and fabrics and how to work with them.
…the ability to survive -34 Degrees Celsius (-29 Degrees Fahrenheit) and swim in frozen rivers.
…a group of friends and strangers crazy enough to swim in the freezing river alllllll winter long!
…a growing collection of handwritten journals full of introspective entries.
…the accompanying habit to sit and write in my spare time.
…a preference towards walking and biking through the city instead of public transit just to, and I’m quoting myself here: “get some air”.
…the mental shift away from needing to go everywhere at full speed and learning to go slow (Key Word: LEARNING).
…an internal stillness which allows me to sit with the difficult parts of me and address the challenging feelings I’ve kept buried for years.
…the constant practice of letting go of that which does not serve me (i.e. Shame, Regret, Avoidance), integrated into my daily life.
I mean, this is just a few things I’ve noticed and I know I could go on for a while but man o’ man is that a lot of little things!!
Yet here I am left pondering, is that not just the way life goes?
Gaining skills and experiences that build us up to be more capable than we were before?
How often do we notice these changes?
Do we take the time to sit and respect how much we’ve changed and how capable we’ve become?
I’d like to think I take the time to do this, but I know for a fact Jack, that’s not always this case.
So! This year I have a goal!
Well, less of a goal, and more of a theme.
I’ve never been a fan of new year’s resolutions. I’ve got many reasons for this… but I don’t think it requires much explaining…
“Oh, so the day changing from Wednesday to Thursday made you a different man, Stan?
If that’s the case, will you be a new dude next Thursday too?!? “
“Honestly, what changed between the 31st and the 1st that made you a new human, Susan? “
You know what I mean?
Instead, I prefer having a theme, an idea which underlines my year and gives me something to return to whenever I’d like to reflect on my growth or how the year is going. Like a standing prompt! My first year of Journaling started on my birthday during 2020. I wrote with little direction but my writings slowly gained more structure and form over the years with the first prompt being a Post-It note on my wall saying:
“I am learning to radically tolerate myself”
Here have been my themes so far:
2020 – Daily Journaling (starting from June Journals)
2021 – Becoming Radically Present
2022 – Becoming Radically Self-Tolerant (This one was hard…)
2023 – The Year of Self-Acceptance (Same thing here!)
2024 – Dreamworks // Seasonal Living (Essentially living with the season and acting on my desires/dreams, namely: moving to Vienna)
2025 – The Year of Self-Love (Oh BOY was this one a doozy… so much shameeeeeeeee)
But Josh! Why do you need a theme to get through the year?
Short answer… I don’t. Long answer, my mind doesn’t really stop spinning. So, I learned in therapy that it may help if I can channel my mind into a story that I tell myself about myself. It may sound egotistical, and you’re free to think it is, but I find it helps me get through the day. It helps me make sense of an otherwise senseless existence. I imagine it’s not necessary for everyone (actually I KNOW it’s not), but I find it helps me work better with my brain. So… With that existential question answered…
What should this year’s theme be?
For the last few years it felt clear, I was working towards becoming present with my body, mind and the moment while learning to love all parts of myself.
HOWEVER! With the Year of Self Love behind me, it’s become painfully clear that these topics are not goals to be achieved and moved on from.
But rather, presence, self-tolerance, self-acceptance, and self-love must be practiced in every day, in each moment, in order to have them be a part of me going forward.
Thanks to my reflections, friends and experiences over the last 5 years, I feel confident I can integrate these things into my daily life.
Which is why this year’s theme is about another daily practice that I wish to develop into a more congruent habit.
2026 – The Year of Letting Go –
Using the philosophy of Sam Harris and many other mindfulness teachers who practice the “Beginner’s Mind”, I have tittled this year, Begin Again.
Each day, each experience, each moment exist for only that moment.
My goal is to be so present with my life, so tolerant of all that I am, so accepting of the inner and outer world, so full of love for all things that letting go of that which does not serve me and my goals, becomes my foundational practice in each moment.
I have already made progress on this path and I plan on integrating this practice further into my life using daily meditations, writing, and other activities such as music, art and sports. Sports? Yes sports! Nothing helps a person let go quite like a strenuous lifting session and a proper Finish Sauna!
It was actually during a conversation I had with my Hungarian friend at the Schiele exhibit when this idea solidified into words.
In Egon Schiele and Gustav Klimt’s paintings, the day and night are often symbols of life and death.
A new day, a rising sun, a new life.
A new night, a rising moon, a micro death.
Is it possible for me to view each day as a chance to let a new version of me be born? If so,
What would I like to let go of each day to move towards my goals?
Well, I’ve got a few ideas and I know where I’d like to start, but this question is vague enough that I can freely interpret it multiple times throughout the year. Maybe even multiple times in one week depending on what life is throwing at me!
At the moment? It would probably be something about Self doubt, something about impatience, something about my anxieties, my need to be seen (oh the irony). But my relationship to these thoughts is not fully developed yet, so I would rather wait to write more on them until I’ve unpacked them beyond the Proto-Thought stage. Writing about them will have to be, my next step…
Some days I take a few steps forwards,
Some days I take a few steps back,
But one thing has become clear to me,
I’m not the same American I was when I arrived in this city.
Thanks Vienna,
You’ve been good to me.
Thanks for following along 🙂
Wishing you luck, love, and light
your goofy wanderer,
Josh ❤
// Written on 11.1.26 while listening to Coulou’s Cafe Trumpet Meditations no. 50/65/17/59/51/52 //
P.S. If you haven’t checked out Coulou’s Cafe Trumpet Meditations, you’re missing out… that guy’s a vibe connoisseur, much love for him and for you as well ❤
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